For the last two years I’ve been sharing my body. This week am I going to stop sharing.  I’m starting the painful night-weaning journey.  Don’t get me wrong – it was enjoyable for a while. I enjoyed the feeling of breastfeeding (BF) and nourishing my Baby-O, knowing I’m giving her a good start in life, but as she’s getting older and wiser, she now knows how to play the tantrum card to make me cave in if I don’t give her the goods. I’m over waking up in the night with little vice like hands grabbing, ney, pulling my nipples until I feel like they’re going to twang off. Now I’m ready.  I heard a phrase recently; I’m all touched out.  Sums it up perfectly.  I want to reclaim my body.

Mental Preparation

I’d been waiting over the last few months to feel mentally strong enough to deal with the exorcist style behaviour of my little one when I deny her comfort at night. We’ve also been through major changes moving up to my parents and I didn’t want to take away the one constant in her world until I knew she’d settled. She’s just turned two – I don’t think there is much milk left for her, so I don’t think it’s a hunger thing when she sits up in her cot at night and shouts for ‘Mummy’ or ‘Milk’.

I don’t think she is actually awake either. My mum helped me out earlier on this year with getting her to sleep with no help from me – she can now lie down at the start of the night contentedly at night and fall asleep without BF.  When she wakes up at night and can’t help herself back to sleep, I think she has maybe just roused herself from sleep (maybe to pee?!), sits up immediately, almost as if sleep ‘walking’, and won’t lie back down in her cot.

I try to resist picking my little sleep thief up but, she starts moaning, and, of course as my downfall, for most of her life I’ve just brought her into bed with me and breast-fed her right back to sleep again.  I MISS MY SLEEP!!

Day 1

So last night I steeled myself to battle through screeching and squealing, hitting and kicking which is so distressing, and so loud I’m worried will wake the neighbourhood dogs, and went my first night since her birth, without feeding my daughter back to sleep. 

As morning arrives I have a feeling she’s going to be as tired as me today I’ve gone for 31 hours without feeding her.  Just as I think I’m not producing much milk, by mid-morning my boobs feel like they’re going to explode – like I’m stowing two rapidly inflating beach balls. The pressure. 

I get to an Aqua Aerobics class. The motion of the water as I’m bouncing away almost gives me a massage and the cool water feels so good on my chest! Plus the upper body workout should hopefully boost the circulation, and my increasing beach balls start to feel soothed.

I think they accurately call it ‘Engorged Breast’. Exactly how I feel – Engorged. (I read that cabbage leaves can soothe milk filled boobs? Hmm – attractive!).

Throughout the early night my boobs feel so uncomfortable and I begin to think about the best way to pump some milk. Hand pumping through the pain doesn’t appeal.  The last thing I need now is a squeeze. I have a laugh at myself – I was willing Baby-O almost to come to MY rescue.  I wait to see how the mini mitts clamouring at my nipples at 3am will feel if I resist her milk…and I wait. I wait, lying AWAKE in pain, starting to feel feverish, until she wakes up around 1am and I crumble – she has a feast on both sides, relieving the pressure around my chest.  Baby-O and I both fall back to sleep satisfied and relieved, respectively.

Day 2

Day 2 of my mission, on repeat of resisting the feeding, with the anticipation of the previous day’s discomfort and distress, we are both much calmer.  Miraculously I don’t get the same pressure in my chest. It’s almost as if someone has started to turn off the tap.  I think my milk flow is starting to adapt.

One week later

Over the week to come I’m down to only one ‘feed’ (I think she’s just using me for comfort now as I don’t think there is any milk left!), mostly in the break of day around 4am, when I still relent into a moment of whatever it takes to get Baby-O back to sleep.  This is progress.  She still wakes earlier in the night and I’ve resisted feeding her – hoping it sends the signal of ‘it’s dark and there’s no milk at nighttime’. 

I have no desire to go back to the new-mum reading frenzies of the many conflicting blog/mummy community/sleep expert advice at 2am whether for sleep training tips, minor illness etc, which usually only happened in my bleary eyed state during the night. I always ended up confusing myself even more.  Now I’m going along with instinct, trusting that surely soon enough she’ll crack on…preferably not when she’s 5 and still attached to me.  I hope this is the start of dropping the only ‘feed’ of the day completely.  I have to remember I’ve got this far, it probably won’t take much more to go the final steps – of not bringing her into bed with me at all. I’m hoping soon enough she won’t wake up so much…must stay strong!

I think I’ve cracked it…

Before I know it I’m 2 weeks on and I haven’t breastfed her for 3 days.  I think I’ve cracked it.  She still delves into my top during our cuddles when she’s bumped her knee etc, but I gently prize her hand out, telling her there’s no Mummy’s milk now, and she gives up!

I am having a moment whilst I type this.  It’s the end of an era.  The end of my little girl’s baby phase, as she is no longer reliant on me for her source of liquid food…as much as that is possibly the last time I’ll have another life so dependant on me, it feels empowering. I knew it would have to happen some day soon.  The distressing nights when I never thought it would happen seem a distant memory – and to make me feel like it is all worth while, she actually slept for 10 hours solid last night in her own cot! Then I remember why I’m doing this.  To make a full night’s sleep normal again for me!

We’ve come a long way

I love looking back on my journey with Baby-O and the remarkable things my body has done to produce this perfect little being and the care and nurture I have given to make her as healthy and happy as she is today.  I think about the post-natal recuperation my body has gone through: walking, swimming and doing Pilates to get stronger again; strengthening my posture to repair some niggly tingly muscle spasms after the hours of slouching whilst feeding her, no matter how mindful I tried to be; knowing my pelvic floor has a way to go so I don’t have to cross my legs when I sneeze; and trying to get my dancing fit body back (still a little way to go!).

I feel though this is the last piece in the jigsaw of transitioning her to find her independence, from giving my body to help her nourish and flourish. And for me to transition away from my ‘New Mum’ phase, to the next stage of my woman-hood, by reclaiming back my body. 

Picturing a Summer of running through fields; on the beaches – effortlessly picking up the kids and spinning round with them as you go, without feeling the heave-ho as you lift them?  It’s the classic, carefree image of parenthood. 

Keeping strong and fit has wonderful benefits for parents, not only preparing the body for all the physical eventualities that comes with having kids, but also helping parents to enjoy play time with them on those great days out and holidays to come.

Having fun play time with kids can physically demanding, as can sitting breast feeding for hours; rocking a child to sleep; managing their raging tantrums!  A stronger body will help you to match their energy whilst reducing the chance of long-term injury to joints and muscles.

Dancing Mama Fitness helps parents prepare for the physicalities of parenthood through Matwork Pilates – the perfect mind and body workout for parents, holistically supporting mental health and wellbeing. 

The many benefits of regular Pilates practice for parents include:

• improves strength for demanding activities with kids;
• improves and strengthens posture/alignment, corrects postural issues;
• improves physical health – helping to stave off illnesses;
• makes us happier! Happy parents = happy home;
• beats stress – Pilates focusses on coordinating movement and breath, known through many practices to calm the mind;
• helps us live longer lives – we want to see our kids thrive well into the future, right?!

It’s not just about making time to respect and care for our bodies and mental health – it’s about the benefits we’re passing on to our children as a result!

Personal Pilates Tuition

Dancing Mama Fitness will set up small group and 1:1 Pilates just for you and your friends. We come to a venue near you, at a time that suits you, for a programme of personal training sessions around Beds, Herts & Bucks.

Bring your babies or young kids to join in with fun sessions incorporating the babies into exercise with and without baby carriers – or leave the kids at home!

We love the outdoors, so if possible we’ll take our workouts to the wild and connect with nature for some feel good, holistic mind and body vibrations too.

Share the cost of sessions with a group of friends – the feeling of personal training on a more affordable level – or treat yourself to a personal, bespoke programme of sessions.  

Example cost: From as little as £8 per person per hour, paying per month and based on a group of 5 people at your home (subject to size/suitability of flooring/terrain!).

Get in touch for more info:

Facebook: @Dancing Mama Fitness

Alison@theloveofdance.co.uk

Strengthen the core, the pelvic floor, and feel your stamina return through mindful movement exercise. 

Pleased to announce my new qualification as a Pilates Instructor!  I’ve passed my Level 3 Diploma in teaching Mat Pilates.

Pilates is an excellent form of exercise to help target a myriad of physical and emotional well being needs.  I’ve found it so beneficial in helping me regain my core strength after having the baby – wish I’d have practised more during my pregnancy too.

Dancing Mama – Pilates Instructor

Pilates Benefit

I love the feeling after a Pilates class – the only way to describe it is ZEN! Chilled, rejuvenated and STRONGER.  I notice the tone returning to my muscles instantly, sculpting the shape of my body.  It’s a little like meditation for me as for an hour or so I’m just focussing on the smooth, fluidity of my body movements and all the muscular actions and changes through each exercise.  Some might see Pilates as sedative – in fact the slower the movement, the deeper and more effective the action towards developing strength, whilst minimising the possibility of injury or muscular tearing.

Pilates & Dance

In my classes I’m going to combine Pilates principles with dance conditioning exercises.  Pilates and dance go perfectly hand in hand.  I first discovered Pilates in my dance training at Trinity Laban.  They have a great Pilates studio there.  Joseph Pilates himself rehabilitated many dancers back to strength from injury – his methods for them being quite powerful and advanced to service the demands of athletic bodies. Prior to which he helped injured world war soldiers by adapting the hospital beds into, what we know today as ‘reformers’ – the larger Pilates equipment, assisting exercises by providing resistance – to aid recuperation. His methods helping people with different needs demonstrates the power of Pilates for different ages, health conditions and levels of strength and fitness.

Contact me here for more information about small group and 1:1 Pilates Tuition!